What it means to “sonder”
Beyond the Reps
When I see a client struggling with a set they nailed last week, my first instinct might be to look at their nutrition or sleep. But sonder reminds me that they are carrying a universe I can’t see. They might be grieving a loss, celebrating a secret win, or simply feeling the weight of a hundred tiny, invisible responsibilities. There is a quiet, profound realization that hits you when you look across a crowded gym floor: Sonder.
Coined by John Koenig, sonder is the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. As a coach, this perspective shifts everything. We often treat the gym like a factory—a place to go, execute a task, and leave. But through the lens of sonder, the gym becomes a beautiful, brief intersection of thousands of epic stories.
The person on the treadmill next to you isn't just a "runner." They are a protagonist. They have a childhood home they still dream about, a complicated relationship with their father, and a favorite song that makes them feel invincible.
The Gym as a Crossroads
The Powerlifter: Might be lifting heavy to feel a sense of control that their corporate job denies them.
The Newbie: Might be fighting a lifetime of body dysmorphia just to walk through the front door.
The Senior: Might be training not for aesthetics, but for the stamina to play with their grandkids.
Every person you see is the main character of a movie you will never watch.
Why This Matters for Your Training
Understanding sonder makes you a better athlete because it breeds empathy and patience.
When we stop comparing our "Chapter 1" to someone else’s "Chapter 20," we acknowledge that our paths are entirely different. We stop judging the person who’s taking up the squat rack for too long and start wondering what kind of day they’ve had.
In fitness, we talk a lot about "mind-body connection." But maybe we should talk more about the "person-to-person connection." When you realize that everyone around you is fighting a battle, navigating a joy, or harboring a dream, the gym stops being a room full of machines and starts being a room full of humanity.
Next time you’re between sets, take a breath. Look around. Everyone here is carrying a world. Be kind to yours, and be kind to theirs.
What’s one "invisible" win you’ve had lately that has nothing to do with the scale?
